Abigail and Bethany

sisters swinging
Originally uploaded by reallyneedanap.

I am thankful for the laughs my silly children bring to me. They make disgusting faces, kill bugs their mother is to chicken to approach, hug me any time I need a cuddle, enjoy my singing (poor kids), challenge me spiritually (ever heard your own children pray for you), trust me fully, and love me sweetly.

In all thy ways acknoledge Him...

gretchen on hike
Originally uploaded by reallyneedanap.

Prov. 16:9

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Prov. 16:9)

What a comfort! And to think we are so arrogant to even fathom that we are not in His hands sovereign hands... I often am ridiculously stupid enough to try to walk as though that is not the case. Praise Him for drawing me back to Him, time after time!

I pray that when I try to plan and plot out my future that my heart is in line w/ His. I pray that I function beautifully for His purposes and not my own selfish purposes. I pray that my children look at me and see godly example they will want to follow. I pray that I will not fight his direction when I plan my steps, but that I'll have a heart that yields to His direction. I pray that I stay teachable, always eager to be the woman He has called me to be. And He has called me to be something beautiful for His glory. May his glory shine through me!

Today, I'm going to......

One of my favorite books is "The Synonym Finder." Where I found it, I don't know, but I'm quite thankful that I found it because sometimes it facitlitates my sounding just a little smarter than I truly am. And when I cannot find my dictionary, my trusty "The Synonym Finder" is faithfully there saying, "It's okay Gretchen. I'll tell you what that word means."

Anyway, off to the topic of the day. P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N. I've a horrible tendency to procrastinate and I'm only just now fessing up about it. There are papers which I've intended to file for months. There's a floor I should have mopped days ago. There is this college enrollment I've held off on until the very last minute. My problem with procrastination is truly starting to bother me more than ever. Before, I was merely giving myself excuses to continue down Procrastination Street. Now, I'm troubled about it and have started some self-evaluation regarding my procrastination.

"The Synonym Finder" is sitting here on my lap, opened up to page 940. Procrastination is the very first word on the page. So, I'll go ahead and list some of the synonyms for my dreaded word of the day....

Procrastination-
delay
slacken
play for time
defer
put off
postpone
table
shelve
prorogue (there's a word to use if I desire to sound a little smarter than I am)
adjourn
suspend
put aside
pigeonhole
put on a back burner
hesitate
waver
wait
tarry
linger
dawdle
dally
dillydally
idle
tread water
drag one's feet
loaf
shirk
waste time
sleep on the job.......

Wow! So, I've this pattern-this way about me.... It involves wasting time, sleeping on the job, dillydallying (my dad used to say that about me), tarrying, and playing for time. How convicting is that?!!

Anyway, I am sure that I cannot go on this way. My procrastination holds me back, it keeps me imprisoned in a life with a lot that's been left unaccomplished.

So, why do I do this? Here is what I think....
1) Habit---After years of just setting things aside, I've given very little thought to what it is I'm doing (or not doing) anymore.

2) Disbelief---I've not believed until quite recently that I could accomplish a lot of my goals; therefore, I've put off setting into action a plan to get them done.

3) Laziness---Sometimes, I've put off doing things because there were less pressing matters which were easier to deal with at the time.

4) Priorities---I'd not taken the time to think about how important the things I'd put off were.


Over the past few days, I've been thinking about my life, trying to prioritize my goals. It's been excruciatingly difficult! Why? Because I've procrastinated so much over the years. There is just a tremendous amount of stuff to catch up on, and because of the dillydallying I've done over the years, there's some back-tracking to do as well.

Well, I've fessed up now. From now on, when someone comes to my home, I may just say, "Hello, my name is Gretchen and I am a Procrastinator. I've been not putting things off for....." Seriously, somehow, I've got to stop this. Truth be known, I believe my life depends on it in some ways.

I guess I should have come up with some solution to this and had it all typed out here to be read. And then a fellow procrastinator could say, "Wow! That was edifying. Thanks for your thoughts, Gretchen. Your words have been used to motivate me not to procrastinate any more." That would have been lovely. But the truth is, I don't know that I have a solution for it other than to say, "Just Stop. Get off of your lazy bum and get that important stuff accomplished!" That's what I'm doing for myself. Hopefully, some fellow procrastaholic will share what has worked for them.

In Christ,
Gretchen

People need.....

Sometimes when the kids wave to the neighbors, you can just tell that these people wave back with a wee bit of discomfot.. Believe it or not, some won't even look up to wave back at all. You'd think our friendly gesture of waving is on par with Mormons coming to the door. "Quick, the Engle children are outside. Look down, avoid eye contact! They're going to wave at us as we walk to our car." One of the neighbors is a sourpuss. Personally, I don't think she is someone people would call attractive, but I believe that is largely due to the scowl imprinted upon her face. This may sound cruel, and perhaps it is, but I make it a point to wave at this woman every time she drives past my yard. I figure she is starting to get irritated by it, but I just cannot bring myself to quit. My oldest has wised up to what I am doing and has joined me my sick little game. So, almost every day, Joshua and I wear our biggest smiles as Donna drives by with her sourpuss face, we wave as though we're waving to a long-lost friend, and place bets on whether or not this is the day she will smile or wave back.

I don't know Donna's story. But I know we have neighbors who've gone through so much hurt. The eldest son of the neighbors who live directly across the street murdered a young woman (who happened to be my age and was expecting her first child) and dumped her body like trash. These neighbors are lovely, friendly people-the only neighbors who ever bother to say "Hi!" effortlessly. They're heart-broken; their lives have been shattered. Across the street to the side of us is the kids' school nurse. A few years ago, her husband committed suicide. She keeps to herself and I truly never see her little girl play outside. Not one time in the year I've lived in this house have I seen that little girl ride a bike, play in her yard, or anything. Next door to the school nurse is a lovely church-going middle aged woman with a gorgeous teenage girl. Her husband left her for a co-worker after many years of marriage. Three houses down from this woman is Donna. Two houses down from the school nurse in the opposite direction is a lesbian couple who argue quite a bit in their front yard in the morning hours. I'll give them this much, they're friendly to the other neighbors. Once, one of the women took great joy in sharing with me how to keep my petunias alive (and no I don't think she was hitting on me). Behind me is a quiet policeman who seems to enjoy greeting Joshua (it's hard to not be lured by Josh's charm. He's friendly and never hesitates to introduce himself when encountering new people). At the same time, this man gets a bit irritated over the smallest things. Once he was complaining that pinecones from one of our trees was falling into his yard..... Oh goodness, I'll just leave that one alone. Anyway, I've got a lot of quiet, unfriendly or otherwise unhappy neighbors.

My heart aches for these people. I know the joy that God gives in spite of my circumstances. I know the comfort of a sovereign, faithful Lord during times of intense heartache. I've got joy in the depths of my heart. I experience the blessing of forgiveness when I completely blow it in life, which is so much more often that I'd ever care to admit. Each day I can sing a new song to my God, my provider.

I know these people don't know me for the most part, nor do they care to. But I long for them to know God's salvation. I long for them to experience his grace and peace. I long for them to have abundant life. So, now what?

What does little old me do about it?

DSWF

DSWF w/ children (more than you can remember the names of) seeks sane, handsome SWM. Must have clean credit history, nice teeth, 8-passenger vehicle, pleasant disposition, dimples, organizational skills, American citizenship or greencard.....

Ok, so I'm new to this whole single thing. I don't know if I play the single role well or not. The wife thing I had down pretty well. My lines were memorized, I never forgot the proper placement of props, and I was great at improvisation. But this new role is completely different.

I'm learning that my having a tattoo (oh what was I thinking?) helps break the ice after my new single friends learn that I have five children. I'm also learning that my married friends are at a loss as to what to do with me, and that's ok because I'm also at a loss as to what to do with me.

So, how does one fairly young, formerly married woman play the role of being single? Does she sit on the sidelines and watch the pros in action? Does she dabble in and get her feet wet? Since the pity party over the loss of the marriage has ended and the guests are gone, what kind of party does she throw next?

Just a little rambling to get this blog started. What have I gotten myself into now?

-Gretchen