"Did I Just Say that?" Part 2: Is this really any of my business?

"Did you know that Tamera's husband slept with Pastor Jake's wife?," Carol asked a bewildered Tanya. Tanya looked at Carol in total shock; she'd just had breakfast with the pastor's family the month before. She pictured their beautiful children, the family portrait she'd seen as she entered the pastor's home, and the lovely way that family seemed to her. At the first moment, she was completely in shock. That soon gave way to anger. How dare they!!! What hypocrites!!! Tanya was infuriated that the pastor's wife, of all people, would do this to anyone. "Carol, I should've seen it. When I was at the pastor's house just last month, those two didn't so much as hold hands. They didn't even sit near each other; as a matter of fact, I don't think they had much to say the whole evening. And they think we're all messed up. Look at them!" By the end of the day, more people in the church were talking about Tamera's husband and the pastor's wife.
The truth is, Tamera's husband did sleep with someone else's wife, but it wasn't the pastor's. The women in the church who'd started the gossip were found out. It turned out that Carol's sister had first told her about Tamera's husband. Carol, having been a friend of Tamera, immediately assumed it was the pastor's wife. The reason? Only Carol knows. Carol felt she had a right to talk about Tamera's misfortune with Tanya; afterall, Tanya and Carol had been friends with Tamera for years. But the truth is, she'd have been a better friend to be there for Tamera instead of gossiping about her heartbreak. She knew she'd not have talked about this event had Tamera been present. And had Tamera walked in on any of the conversations about her husband's unfaithfulness, she'd have been hurt beyond measure. This was no one's business afterall. Tamara did feel betrayed and before long, her friendship with Carol and Tanya had disintegrated to nothingness.
And what about the pastor's wife? She'd been hurt too. It took years to repair the damage this gossip caused to her private life both at home, in her friendships, in the community and at church. She was a beautiful woman and had a beautiful family, but when others looked her way, she couldn't help but wonder if they were thinking horrid thoughts about her. And why her? What had she done? She never knew why someone she'd once trusted had jumped to such an outrageous conclusion as the one Carol had.
Gossip hurts this way. From childhood through adulthood, gossip. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" Yeah right! Often words hurt more than sticks and stones because they cut to the heart. And gossip, I believe is often more hurtful than random insults because it spreads like a cancer.
Personally, I struggle with butting my nose in where it doesn't belong. It's easy to be presumptuous to believe that it's my place to discuss my sibling's misfortune or bad choices with another relative. We're family afterall... Truth is, I want to be the kind of person who minds my own business. I don't like it when someone talks about my failures, my misfortunes, my heartbreaks with others. It's my business. A genuinely concerned person will approach the person directly about whatever the issues are instead of making it the topic of upcoming conversations with outsiders.
So, I'm going to be practicing minding my own business and I hope that you're encouraged to do the same. When I hear something scathing about someone, I'm going to train my mind to weigh whether or not I should indulge in the conversation or steer it in a different direction.

"Did I Just Say That?": Part 1

I just enjoyed a conversation today with one of the most teachable people I've ever known. Fully aware of the fact that he's an imperfect person, yet striving to be more of the man he is capable of being, he's vulnerable enough to say, "There's something about me I just don't like and I've got to do something about it." What is it about himself that he doesn't like? It's his tendency to say things that he wouldn't have said had he thought them through a bit more. As we were speaking, I found myself thinking, "Well, isn't that a familiar struggle?"
Being fully aware of my own battle with taming my tongue, I'm sensitive to the fact that the words of my mouth are powerful. Every word spoken to someone has an impact on them. The person or people I'm speaking to (and perhaps others within ear-shot) may be bored to tears, provoked to anger, enlightened, encouraged, uplifted, irritated, misinformed, challenged, discouraged, comforted... Surely, I could go on stating more ways words may impact others, but I'm sure you get the idea now. After the conversation I had (the one which prompted me to write this), I stopped to ask myself this question. "When others spend time with me, do they walk away from the conversation edified?" If that is seldom the case, then what can I do to be a blessing to those I'm speaking with?
In the coming weeks, I'll be delving into this topic. Please join me in my endeavor to make the words of my mouth a blessing to those who hear them.